Thursday, 24 May 2018

Why I'm so grateful for my wife's depression

This isn't warhammer :) So forgive me, but it is something that is very close to my life and I feel like its a good place to put a brain-dump.

Now, on the face of that title you'd be allowed to think "humm ok, that seems like a dick thing say". The truth is, we've both been on different journeys as we both dealt with the problem in our own ways, struggling where we did and not fully understanding anything about it. The internet was surely a huge help, but at the same time, you still have to struggle away with things while trying to get to grips with everything.

I remember clearly the moment Tina told me she had depression. My thoughts were.

"Ok sure"

It meant that little to me that she had a mental illness. This could be read in a few ways. But for me, it was simply the fact she may as well have come up to me and said I have a headache. I didn't understand what it meant for her as a human being, her as somebody struggling silently and as my wife.

What I didn't realise was that she had struggled with telling me, I don't think she waited too long, but she was petrified about what my reaction might be. So my reaction would have pleased her, but I imagine had she known what my inner reaction really it might have upset her and have been the exact thing she was trying to avoid.

Fast forward 4 years after we identified she had such a thing. For the longest time, which is kind of ironic as she was saying this, I was unaware of others having similar problems. Now days because I am meeting more and more people within the hobby who somehow seem to be a lot more open to talk about their mental issues than my peers from school. It feel like I actually have something to offer people who are silently struggling with similar issues that Tina and I have been going through.

For this I am grateful, while it would have been great to not have gone through this. I do feel like I have grown because of it. More than I actually thought possible, because I didn't even have a concept of this.

This was/is all writing from my point of view and not touched on the struggles that Tina has had to go through without understanding why/how it is all happening to her. It will always be a struggle, but together we'll always work together for each other because we are in the lucky position to completely depend on one another, love is just lucky that we have enough of it to support the other.

So next time somebody says somethign about mental illness, take it seriously and listen for as long as they need you to. If you feel you have something to add, do and also make sure they know you will support them.

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